Lotus’ Lamentations

Here is a short list of things that irk me:

* I can’t seem to hate anyone on demand. I realize that when the news says I should hate this person, or that person, and that I should cry out for their arrest and subsequent damnation through the “justice” system, I can’t. That doesn’t mean I approve of what they’ve done, but I just can’t hate anyone on demand.

* I ask too many questions. I don’t just accept things, I keep trying to figure out the reasoning behind something. I also tend to take statements of faith and turn them on their heads when they’re applied to me. I guess I’m not cut out for accepting unverified statements without also requiring evidence.

* I’m far too concerned about others. I’m always asking people how they are, and if they need help. I treat the homeless like they’re people, and I don’t separate those who are wealthy from those who lack wealth. It’s like I take each person on their own merits without assigning them blame. This is something I’ll have to work on.

* I have no qualms about nudity. I’m not referring to healthy objectification, or lust, but am instead referring to seeing the human body as a fantastic biological machine. That kind of curiosity can’t be good for you.

* I’m not trying to get rich. This is a BIG issue with me. Instead of working to climb the corporate ladder, I’m looking for something fulfilling, that lets me help people in need. I am apparently facing the wrong direction when it comes to success. I’m climbing down the ladder to help those who can’t hold on, instead of stepping on the fingers as I climb over top of them. I keep thinking “perhaps if they work harder, they can be successful too, and by successful I mean rich.” Then this weird feeling kicks in and I help them instead. Something must be wrong with me.

* I want lazy people to have access to food and medicine, should they need it. This is not at all conducive to a successful society, so why I want this I’ll never know. Some of my deeply devout religious friends tell me that I’m enabling slackers to feed off of the system instead of being thrifty, productive members of society. I hope I’m not getting ill, or something.

* I have this thing where I like to hug and kiss people. I’ve been told I’m far too affectionate to strangers, especially those who look weird, or act funny. See, you can’t trust anyone you don’t know. It’s supposed to be best to stick to the people you know, that way you won’t be surprised when they turn on you. You can’t trust strangers, I guess. I don’t know. I am really naive. Something is definitely wrong with me.

* I don’t like bloody violence. I like the human body, but don’t like gore. Something has just tumbled my sensibilities as an American. It’s just not right that I don’t wave and cheer when I see the bad guy beaten to a bloody pulp, and then served a quick judgment of hot lead right in his forehead. I love action, and drama, but apparently that’s not enough. I wonder if my testosterone is low? I should get that checked.

* I don’t like it when corporations pay more attention to their shareholders than they do the safety and well-being of the people to whom they’re supplying their products and services. I’m obviously unaware of the need to create large amounts of capital in order to benefit the greater good, which is the acquisition of more wealth. I’ve been told that there are always going to be risks, and that I should be grateful for a company that is trying to enrich others rather than complaining, but I just can’t help myself.

* I think about the future and consider the past when I make decisions. This is a real problem that I need to address, because by not looking out for number one, I give people the chance to use me, which is fine if I’m working for someone, but I’m not supposed to let slackers and the lazy know I’m so susceptible to compassion, because while a little compassion is okay, a lot of compassion just lets people who don’t have money walk all over me. If I were smart, I’d find a way to turn that into a way to make profit, but I just can’t seem to find the motivation.

I have so many problems. It’s going to take ages to resolve them. 😦

-.Lotus

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