Dreams of Death and Loathing

I have lots of weird, crazy, fun dreams. I have nightmares, too. Last night I had a dream that was more of a nightmare, but didn’t feel like one, even up until the moment I woke myself up. I had a number of dreams last night. It’s rare for me to have one continuous dream, though it has happened. This dream occurred more towards the end of my sleep cycle. I had an unusually long one last night, lasting about 7 hours. I normally get about 4-5 hours of sleep, but last night I got a chance to sleep a little more.

Anyway, so in this dream, I was in an office building. I don’t remember the name of the company, or what service it provided, but it was just a generic office building, with desks, chairs, low pile gray carpet, beige walls, paneled ceilings, and white windows that looked out onto a parking lot, where there were many cars.

I don’t recall what I was doing in this office, but there were a large number of people present, and they were going about their business answering phones, typing on computers, and talking to one another. A few moments later, someone came in and whispered in another person’s ear, and that person looked at me. She approached me, and asked me to come with her, so I did. We walked down a short hallway to an elevator, rode it down a few floors. When we stepped out, we were standing in an empty parking garage.

While some of the details are now muddled, I do recall seeing a ventilation fan at the end of the garage, but the area we were standing in was darker than the rest of the parking garage, as it was away from the exits and next to the building we had just exited. I remember seeing the brickwork of the building behind us as I looked about. The woman who had escorted me down there stepped away from me as two people approached. One was male, the other female, and both were wearing suits, while sunglasses covered their eyes. Their builds were light, and they moved with a graceful certainty. I became aware that they were talking to me.

The female told me not to move, and she went and stood by the woman that had escorted me there. The male, while still a handful of meters away, smiled at me, and calmly told me that he was going to kill me. I didn’t move. Not out of fear, but out of expectation. I knew I was going to die, and that this man was going to be the one that killed me. He closed the distance between us, and walked around me the first time, examining me as if he was taking in every detail of my person. As he began his second turn behind me, he gently put his arms around my neck, and squeezed. My last words to him were “please make it quick,” to which he said he would.

I felt the sensation of my neck being twisted, I felt a quick snap, and then the next thing I experienced was my viewpoint being from the ground, looking up at them as they stood there, and my ability to breathe stopped. I began struggling for breath, and as I realized I couldn’t breathe anymore, I relaxed, and I welcomed the death I felt coming.

Then I woke up, and I really had to breathe for a few moments before I could gather my wits together again.

I see it as a nightmare, but it was that feeling of calm acceptance in my dream, that anticipation of death and the end, that’s what puzzles me. I do fear death, I dread it, but in that dream, I acted as though I wanted it, that I was relieved that death was coming, and I don’t like that feeling. I think I’m just under too much stress. Either way, if that event were to really happen, you could expect lots of flailing, and horribly awkward fighting on my part to resist such a thing.

Still, that dream leaves shivers down my spine, which I can feel, because my neck is still in one piece. Just something to think about.

Until next time,

-.Lotus

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