Man, I Feel Like A Woman

Ha ha ha ha, yeah, that title gets overused, don’t judge me. Still, I was commenting on a friend’s Facebook page. She’s an all around great person, someone whom I have admired for years, and she had posted a picture comment about lesbians and chivalry. I believe it was something to the effect that chivalry still exists, but it’s a lesbian. I can’t remember where it is now, because Facebook is the bane of my existence, and is a horrible medium for discussion.

Anyway, so I made a comment about how fulfilling being a woman in love with another woman (who would love me in return) must feel. Another person commented that I should feel free to express myself as a woman if I so desired. I have never really thought about that before. As I’ve explained in previous posts, I’m pansexual, which is the pastel glitter of sexual orientations (as I mentioned in that post). Where some people see “male” or “female,” when it comes to attraction, I see “_____” because it really is fill in the blank. I’m attracted to so many things, and neither sex or gender play into it very far.

I do prefer the company of women, though. Most men just annoy me, to be honest, and one of the reasons I became a feminist is because men irritate the ever living fuck out of me most of the time. There are marked exceptions, of course. Still, I have been comfortable being male my entire life. Would I mind being female? Not at all. It simply isn’t that big of an issue for me, though I must admit if I suddenly became female, I would miss some of the physical characteristics I possessed as a male, simply because I’ve had those characteristics my entire life, and one characteristic in particular. I speak, of course, of my penis. My page, I can talk about my penis if I want, and I would miss it if it were gone.

Granted, it’s not much to begin with, but I would still miss it.

On the other hand (hahaha masturbation joke), I know women with penises, and know of men with vaginas. Biology is not as cut and dry as so many want to believe. They’ve become comfortable thinking in binary, and I don’t like binary thinking, because it reduces my options.

That said, on the subject of femininity once more, sometimes it would be nice to wear a dress, or makeup. Those aren’t strictly feminine things, but they’re perceived as feminine. I just find them pretty. I would, unfortunately, make for a very ugly woman, but then I make for a rather ugly man, so I guess it kind of balances out when you think about it, but now I’m starting to drift here.

I don’t know, her comment has got me thinking about something I’ve never really dwelled on in the past. I’m just used to being me, whomever that is, so ruminating on this has opened up new avenues of thought. Should be interesting to see where they lead.

Maybe I just want to be loved for who I am, and by someone who doesn’t care whether I’m male, female, neither, both, or any other part of the spectrum. I think love is more important than silly details like that. I don’t know, maybe I just feel lonely and need a hug.


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